My personal spirals - Do any resonate

I used to pride myself in seeing the world as black and white.  Like the most responsible thing was to see people and situations clearly as "this or that".  And then have my own personal qualifiers for "if this then that" or "if that, then this".  This would keep life easy and clean. 

 I came to realize that not only was this pretty delusional but it was also incredibly boring.  That the grays in between were where a more rich and full life resided.  That any situation could always be looked out from another side.  Like the fact that my husband and kids were so interesting; so different and dynamic in their own right.  With both parts that I appreciated and couldn't imagine living my life without and parts that drove me absolutely bonkers in confusion or frustration.  

I wanted to see it all and never again be stuck in a mindset that I had them and their motives all figured out.  When I got comfortable in the gray area and I was able to expand it out to every living being, huge bursts of insights, colors and softenings began and continue to flow.  Not only could a situation be looked out from another side but from an infinite amount of different angles depending on your perspective and inclinations.    

Black and white to all the grays to a full spectrum of kaleidoscope colors!  Oh what a most amazing way to go through life.  Not only "seeing" with all the senses but also appreciating and deepening the connection that we are all an ever-changing part of a beautiful whole.  

There was a time in my life when my life felt chaotic and completely out of my control.  In 3 1/2 years I became a homeowner, a wife, a mother of two and put our first dog together down in our liviingroom.  There were days I grabbed the counter to stop the feeling of my life quite literally physically spiraling out of control.  

I spent many years studying, organizing, listing and spreadsheeting.  Making sure I perfectly balanced all my roles.  The time I spent, the care and brainpower I put into understanding and refining them; staying on top of everything that everyone needed from me in strategic order.

I spiraled up to understand that all of life's pieces organized succinctly and balanced was doing a disservice to each of those pieces and my overall wellbeing.  I needed to ebb and flow like water or as Jack Johnson sings "move like a jellyfish, rhythm is nothing.  You go with the flow, you don't stop."  Be more present with each moment.  First dishes, then enlightenment if you will.  Sometimes you'll be in a season where you need to lean harder into work; sometimes your marriage will need some focused attention.  I decided to focus more on harmony where everything waxes, wanes and weaves.  Ahhhhhh

I spent decades in DO DO DO and I was pretty darn good at it if I do say so myself.

Finally I realized it was time to slow down and start to spend more time looking inside.  To have some concentrated time to just BE.

Once you really commit to going deeper within yourself; as opposed to waking up to something on the outside, "waking down to yourself" (Reya Manna) you find a deeper connection beyond just your physical body.  

I discovered that my soul wasn’t sent here to ascend, to shake loose all earthbound attachments.  My soul came looking to have the awesomest earthly experience possible and I plan on delivering.